Micro-aggressions, These Enemies Of Our Relationship

It is about a mistreatment which one speaks little. It is indeed not easy to see because it does not leave marks. Also because both the one who receives it and the one who transmits it, are not aware that they are bound by a very destructive practice.

To better understand what we’re talking about, here are some simple examples.

It is very common that, both men and women, we are used to saying to our romantic partners something like: “ I love that you are sluggish, you make me laugh every day with your clumsiness ”.

“ Better that I speak myself, because if it is you who does it, we will be screwed ”. ” Leave it, don’t do it anymore, I’ll take care of it because you have two left hands “.

As we can see, these situations can seem full of tenderness and closeness, even complicity, however, they have a perverse effect that can cause great harm to the people who go through them.

We suggest that you explore this subject further in the rest of this article, so that you are fully aware of the danger of these situations and that you can react appropriately when they arise in your life.

The characteristics of micro-attacks

A couple relationship is founded on several pillars: respect, mutual understanding, empathy, intimacy and complicity.

When one of these dimensions is missing, the others weaken. Because without good communication, for example, total empathy cannot exist. And without empathy, there can be no genuine complicity.

A healthy and happy relationship is like a strong and colorful fabric, which is in total harmony, because the differences of each make it possible to build a balance among this mass of fabrics, materials and seams, which forms the work.

Micro-aggressions are so harmful that they act as if we were pulling a small thread from this fabric every day, until the harmony and integrity of the entire structure were totally weakened.

Let us now see the main characteristics of these micro-attacks.

Lack of attention and worthlessness

Lack of attention and devaluation results in a clear and obvious disinterest in the other. It is one of the most frequent and persistent daily micro-attacks.

Here are some examples of behaviors that are real enemies for the couple relationship:

• Make fun of what our partner likes.
• Not taking care of the details of the relationship.
• Never having time to do what our partner loves.
• To be ironic in public about what our partner likes (“ he spends the day reading, what a waste of time! “).

Humiliate the other person until they feel like a fool

This behavior is, without a doubt, the most frequent of the micro-attacks.

The greatest difficulty in facing it lies in the fact that this practice is often consented to by the person who is the victim. Sometimes we end up thinking it’s something innocent, like a sign of affection or attention from our partner.

Here are a few examples we invite you to think about:

• The other person begins to take care of certain things exclusively because they claim that they are able to do it better than us and that it saves us from putting in extra effort.
• She will then naturally talk about her partner’s supposed deficiencies in front of friends or family members. “ He doesn’t know how to cook, he always breaks the dishes, he is totally overwhelmed by computers ”.
• All these humiliating practices are harmful to the identity of the person who is the victim; she can lose all self-esteem.

A progressive lack of trust in our partner

As we suffer from the impact of microaggressions, we experience many personal changes.

In addition to perceiving that our self-esteem is gradually cracking, we realize that we no longer trust our partner.

• We avoid doing certain things so as not to attract criticism and criticism from our partner.
• We also stop communicating sincerely with our other half, because their way of addressing us is characterized by this subtle irony, which hurts us so much.

It is very common for the victim of this type of behavior to take a long time to react.

She is slow to face this problem because she internalizes the idea that the one who mistreats her by word or by hand, the one who raises his voice or who puts walls to his freedom, does it in his interest.

Micro-attacks are like light earthquakes, barely perceptible. Yet day after day they fracture our self-confidence and we must not let them dominate us. Here are some things you should never forget:

• These situations are based on contempt.
• They seek to demean the other in a perspective of power.
• They prevent the other person from being themselves, from feeling happy and fulfilled, from enjoying what they like or what characterizes them.
• Finally, they undermine the qualities, strengths and successes of their victim. The person who uses them ends up seeing only the negative side of their partner.

Let’s learn to identify them and have the courage to face them without them reaching us in the long term.

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